FOOL’S GOLD (A Short Story) by Victor Olugbemiro

She looked up from her computer and it took a lot of self-control to keep from gawking. The definition of ugly had definitely shifted to the dude standing in front of her. In complexion, he wasn’t dark, he was black, crisp black; like a malicious burnt offering to the gods from disgruntled worshippers. Not only was he black, he had a mouth that always curved into an ‘O’ no matter what he said. That and so many other things that could go wrong with a guy were the entirety of this guy. Effy couldn’t help but wonder why she had to be the one stuck with such a horrendous site as her first customer on a Monday morning. But pushing all that behind her, she attended to him robotically, wearing her plastic smile like she was paid to do:

Customer Service

Model Picture (From http://ekoelectricityng.com)

‘Good morning sir, please take a seat, my name is Effy. How may I help you?’

He took his seat. He wanted to open an account. After talking him through the procedure, she gave him the necessary forms to fill out and buried her head behind her computer, hoping that would be the end of the encounter. But no way. Instead of the dude to fill his form in silence, he started a conversation

‘Your face looks pretty familiar, you know’

Oh no! Was he trying to chat her up and with that line? Aargh! It didn’t help that the sadist Head Office sent to carry out a Customer Satisfaction Survey was prancing round the banking hall like he owned the place and she had to maintain the plastic smile that was already beginning to hurt. This was not the beginning of the bright and cheery week she had pictured in her mind in church yesterday when the handsome Pastor Moses was prophesying good things for the coming week. Sigh, Pastor Moses… tall, dreamy eyes, thick hair, sharp dresser, hunk of a…

‘So when will you be free for dinner?’

His last statement snapped her out of her reverie.

‘Huh?’ she replied, looking up in time to catch his ‘O’ mouth close, blinking at him, clueless. How on earth could he have moved so quickly from ‘familiar face’ to ‘free for dinner?’ He repeated himself. Hia, Pastor James said it o, that enemies of progress would come disguised in various forms; this one did not even bother disguising himself. If not for where she was, she would have unleashed her arsenal of insults that she reserved for people like him. Instead, still smiling, she said jokingly,

‘With the nature of this job, will I ever be free?’

Undaunted, he dropped his card on her table as he got up to leave and asked her to give him a call whenever she could find the time. ‘I sure will’ she said as she flung the card into her drawer without even as much as a glance. She allowed him step out of the banking hall before she released her rattlesnake hiss,

‘Thunder faya you, bad market!’

As he stepped out of the banking hall, he began to whistle. He hadn’t felt so lightheaded in a long time. The pretty face that attended to him in the bank was dancing before his eyes and that cherubic smile that didn’t waver for a second was turning his insides to jellyfish and making his heart melt into a million pieces like butter in a hot frying pan. Surely, she must have enjoyed his little chit chat for though she didn’t contribute, she never stopped smiling. He could spend the rest of his life gazing into those hypnotic eyes that blinked innocently adding a certain quality to the smile, and those dimples…sigh. He had definitely encountered the definition of beauty today. He was happy with himself for being able to overcome his usual shyness and start a conversation even though it was quite one-sided. At a point, he felt like he was babbling. The fact that she kept his card in her drawer, unlike many others who tossed it in the trash right in his presence, gave him hope. Even if she got too busy to call, he knew where to find her. As far as he was concerned, judging from her body language, the stage was set for a romantic journey that he foresaw leading all the way to the altar. With these happy thoughts in mind, he got into his car and drove off to his other engagements, approaching his day with as much enthusiasm as Romeo as he approached Juliet’s window.

….

Victor Olugbemiro is a graduate of Sociology from Bowen University. He currently shuffles his time between teaching children in an elementary school in Lagos, Nigeria, writing and finding a way to inspire others.

Advertisements

38 thoughts on “FOOL’S GOLD (A Short Story) by Victor Olugbemiro

  1. Wow! This is the Ultra High Definition of funny, ‘crazy, insanely hilarious’! The author really did go the extra mile to pull out all the stops and every line brilliantly concocted got me reeling and spinning into a whirlwind of hysterics! LMAO!

    I love this lotz and the title’s most appropriate too I must add! Thanks for sharing Su’eddie! Big ups to you and Victor! Cheers! LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yemie, ah! We both like the tale well jare! I think Victor should write more stories like this… Methinks that this tale goes like your life – as reported on your blog o… And I mean it in the way of you being the Lady o… Before you would take it in another kind 🙂

      There’s a collection of short stories we are working on, and this story is a part of it. Soon as it is out, I will try to push it your way – inbox the e-version.
      How are you and how’s your writing? I hope you good… Glad you took time to comment. I told Victor that ‘for Yemie to comment, hmmm, your work dey o’… Oh well…

      Like

      • Oh come now Su’eddie, you’re making me into a …..never mind! *laughing*

        Am really not as sensitive as you’d like to think I am! Those are just part of my antics that defines silly old me! *tongue out* LMAO!

        Plus, you flatter me too! Victor’s writing’s beautiful! He aced this completely and he really should explore writing this kinda humor-riddened masterpiece with a generous dose of hilarity and sheer sarcasm! I absolutely adore this! Perhaps he can write sometthing for my blog?! I’d be most honored! *winks*

        I’m not writing or looking to write anything at the moment, but I will, in due course! I promise! LOL

        Thanks for that great show and shower of confidence Su’eddie, am floating and gliding in mid-air! You rock in ‘absolutement’! LOL

        Like

        • Wait… But Yemie, you know that I am not making you into a ‘anything’…that you actually are not. Ehen na, you are…with your zany self and intriguing life… ‘Sweet’, not ‘silly’ …and ‘young’ not ‘old’… Doesn’t that sound better to you already? 🙂
          I will pass the word to Victor jare… Only Victor abi? I will just keep the smile in my mind. Finir…

          And what’s with the ‘not writing’ thing… ? Ha! Get back to that pen o! The world is waiting. Due course? Hmmm. Biko biko, come back already!

          I am hoping to do some more poetry here. What do you think of poetry? Or do we stick to fiction?

          Like

        • D-D-Dang Su’eddie, I’m sooo totally sold on those lines like you’ve absolutely no idea! I mean; who DARES not to be?! Na who born the maga?! Hian! *rme* LMAO!

          Plus, who says we can’t have the best of both worlds?! And by that I mean, both poetry and fiction! Two in one! Powerful combo! So I say, go the long haul full throttle and give us the two, the world’s waiting for you buddy, and I’ll bet that must really sound like a deja vu right now doesn’t it?! ROTFL!

          I’m actually looking to have some guys over on my blog to do guest posts! That’s still in the works and perhaps you might also like to hop aboard the bandwagon, yes?! It’d be a SERIOUS honor, to have an award-winning author feature on ma ‘baby blog’! So what says thee, yay or nay?! *eyelashes*

          PS: can you really say nay to ‘those’?! The lashes I mean?! Is it working?! Do I hear a yay?! I’ll bet! LOL

          Like

        • Hmmm…. I think that the eyelashes worked (darnit!) 🙂 Well, what do you have in mind for the guest posts? I am trying to do some writing once more. Work has a way of interrupting the writing process sometimes and so, we have to just cool down, promote and entertain… Let the stanzas of others string on and have the fiction flow… While you just let your thoughts ferment in the hope that it will become something cool at the end of it all… But again, what am I saying? 😉

          We dey… fully.

          Like

        • *in Tam David Mark’s voice with ma own lil flava* ‘The ayes have it or should that be the ‘yays’?! LOL

          I’m down for whatever Su’eddie! Whatever you wanna! Prose, Poetry; it’d be your baby! Your ‘thang’, you! I’m not fussy! Just do you and I’ll be mighty humbled! No pressures! Thank you Sir, can’t believe my luck! Must be a full moon out tonight! I really should go check! Wow! LOL

          Like

        • Hee hee hee! Na wa o! [Running to the window to check if it is a full moon…] Oh mehn!
          Ba damua… Kosi wahala… Se we dey together? Maybe we might do a bit of both sef as you suggested… Abi?

          Like

        • Hahahaha! And Ba Damua’s what lingo?! It sounds really nice! I know Ba Komi’s Hausa! And yeah, we’re together alright and the two sounds like a plan too, I mean; whatever rocks your boat….or sinks it! Kidding!!!! Whatever you do decide to churn out will be beautiful! I know! *nodding affirmatively* So then, knock yourself right out! LMAO!

          Like

        • Sinks it, abi? I didn’t see the ‘kidding’ o!

          ‘Ba damua’ is Hausa. Yup. The ‘knock yourself’ thing… Hmmm. Sorry, I guess I will have to pass on that one. Merci beaucoup!

          When do we start already?!

          Like

        • We can start as soon as you wanna! Plus, the ‘Kidding’ is right there! Just look closely! Take a VERY long and hard look, you’d see it! And ‘knocking oneself right out’ is quite harmless you know! You’ll live! Its not life threatening! Hehehe!

          Ba Damua’s sounds very new to me! Must be deep Hausa, never heard it! Was partly in Zaria, Bida, Damaturu and I never heard it said or maybe I did but paid no attention! Hausa’s a very cool lingo, one I totally regret not giving my all to learn! Of all Naija lingo, am quite fascinated by it! LOL

          Like

        • Say what?!! ‘Ba damua’ is the barest most basic Hausa that even chickens learn before they begin to pick grain from the ground! So, it means you paid no attention… Gaskiya, Hausa is cool. A romantic language too. I used it in some of my short story collections. It rolls off the tongue nicely especially when you know the pronunciations. A language like Tiv, for instance, is so consonantic that you seem to be angry whenever you are talking 🙂
          You should work on writing some fiction and infusing what you love…
          Aha! I just remembered one story that I put the Hausa thing into… Maybe I will inbox it to you. It is from my first short story collection, The Bottom of Another Tale.

          Like

        • Hahahahaha! Chickens?! Grains?! Really Su’eddie?! Again, I say it with total conviction….You. Are. Mean! LMAO!

          I’ll have you know that ‘Ba Komi’ is used more often than not! That’s the one I was privy to! Plus, I agree in all its totality that Hausa’s a very romantic lingo! I just love to watch the mouths of the indigenes when they speak! Kanuri’s not so ‘toosh’ and Nupe as well! Hausa lingo’s the real deal! Anytime, t and anyday! For shizzie! LOL

          Like

        • Let’s hope it all stops at ‘watching’ alone… *Coughs small.
          I am not mean 🙂 Just nice… 🙂
          So, yes, you should consider putting the thought to it. You should probably put one of the Hausa experiences where you are watching a mouth on the blog… Let’s have a proper view and judge with some popcorn… 🙂

          Like

        • Jeez! You’re a real piece of work Su’eddie, but am very sure you know that already! And while you get all busy, ‘popping’ ’em popcorns into thy mouth, don’t forget to get some soda too! They go hand in hand! You can thank me later, no charge! *rme* LMAO!

          Like

        • Jolly good then and I worry not! Not at all! Ensure to go easy on that bottle though! Do not, I repeat; DO NOT choke on it! *evil grin* LMAO!

          Like

        • Owkay! I put my foot in my mouth then! Relish your popcorn and soda! Aint noone be choking on nada! Put your feet up and just enjoy Sir! Nothing dey happen! My word! LOL

          Like

        • Tiring out?! Not on your life, don’t even look at me! Mint tea?! Eew! That sounds like some health drink! Boring! LMAO!

          Fruit juice, squash or a punch perhaps?! Or a much better nightcap in form of cocoa or chocolate drink if you may?! Tea?! NAH! *raised eyebrow* LMAO!

          Like

        • Chai! Na wa o… It isn’t a health drink… If I allow you Google it, you will hunt me to catch a drink… 🙂
          Ah! Cocoa! Thanks! That sounds like something to look forward to. With lots of milk, ya? Mmmmhmmm….

          I’m trying to do some academic analysis now. Ah! I should do it a whole lot more. Reading South African poetry at the second while doing my analysis. The next post will carry the analysis…
          Wow! Poetry is deep… and beautiful.

          Like

        • Mint tea, yeah, sure! LOL

          Researching Southern African poetry sounds like a lotta fun and must explain why your latest post’s of SA origin! Nice!!!

          I’ll just leave you to do your ‘thang’! Thanks so much for your time! I’ll swing by again real soon to catch up on some of your posts, I’ve already boojkmarked ’em and will be dropping off my thoughts as time goes on! Don’t stay up too late and have you a great week ahead! Cheers! *laughing*

          Like

        • Laughing right back! Hee hee hee! Just posted it… The analysis on the blog is always usually simple so that I don’t bore people with the academic magana. We just enjoy my thoughts on the particular piece without any wahala.
          After that though, I rework the same piece into an academic one with quotations here and there to make it more robust… [You should hear some people talk about that word ‘Robust’… Always funny to hear it…]

          So, I will try to put up more stories and poems for you – just for you. You prefer funny, abi? What’s your email sef? Maybe I will send you some tales for your reading pleasure… That is if the reading will not bore you too much… You know how we nerd people can overdo sometimes na… 🙂 #ReppingNerds 🙂

          You be good to yourself… Got ya back…

          Like

        • Aw! Nerds are wayyyy coool! And am sure you’re one of those who bandy words around ’bout that word ‘Robust’ and especially regarding a particular gender too right?! You know, like ‘buxomy’ and am sooo reminded of one particular soldier who may just as well adore that word too! Hmm…Viashima, yeah; I believe that’s his name! Yep! How could I forget?! *raised eyebrow* LMAO

          Plus, your pieces are very academic in nature and am sure students in the arts will find ’em very helpful in their studies! That’s slamming! Carry on! And poems just for me?! I’m blushing beet red! I love funny, but am pretty down for whatever! I try to be versatile and not just box myself into one corner! Thank you sooo much for having ma back, you rock big time, ESPECIALLY because you’re a nerd! Don’t you forget Sir! Peace! LMAO!

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Plus, I’ll be on the look out for that collection of short stories most definitely! Thanks Su’eddie, na U biko! Only You One! LWKMD!

    Like

    • Kosi wahala! You dey the list already! Hmmm… This ‘Only You One’ sef…. Hmmm…. Okay o. I will try not to encode, decode [or whatever else coding can be done] 🙂

      Like

        • Chai! I shall now declare myself mute… [Cleaning the sweat from all the typing, gist and talk that was just declared ‘noise’ by Yemie]

          Like

  3. Noise?! Hahahaha! Habatically! Did I really express or imply that in any which way or was that just you?! You’re a meanie Su’eddie, yes you are! Gosh! *smh* LMAO!

    Like

  4. Yeah, you’ve got my E-mail addy Su’eddie, am a follower! Just check through and you shall find it! Or, I’ll just send it you on the morrow! I’m open to all of the stories you’ll be sending me and I’ll be on the look out too for ’em! Thanks Boss Man, you’re the Man! LOL

    Like

    • Ouch! [Why is she so smart?!]

      Oh well… Kosi wahala… Will do…
      [In Macho voice] I am the man! Hee hee hee… You are the fav one… You are the fav one…

      And that talk on my posts being academic… Chai! Lemme try and tone down! To think that I started this blog as a private/personal blog but I am making it more like that… Hmmm. Kai! Na wa o…

      Like

      • *chuckling* Well, what can I say?! You simply cannot run away from your shadow now can you?! You started the blog as a personal one and along the way, the blog turned against you and navigated itself to where and who ‘she’ wants to be init?! That’s like the story writing itself or perhaps, the story writing writing its writer! Don’t fight it Su’eddie, just go with the flow! Maybe, just maybe you’d some day end up in the academic field, lecturing, tutoring and mentoring those beautiful ones that have been long awaited, which we most times surmise as not being born as at yet! Maybe! LOL

        Like

        • Indeed! I will have to move most of these new offerings to http://sevhagereviews.wordpress.com … And leave this space to flow with me and me… But yes, I see the connection again. In the end, our lives become us and events dictate our steps rather than us dictate events, abi?
          *Sigh…

          Who said the beautiful ones are not yet born? See you there na… 😉

          Liked by 1 person

Would love to have your thoughts, please...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s